Stephan Sokolow's Blog

Dimension Hopping for Beginners by nonjon

Length: 10 Chapters (Complete)
Sources: Harry Potter
Rating: 5/5

To wrap up my block of nonjon reviews, here’s a little gem. “Dimension Hopping for Beginners” is a very clever parody of all the different over-used Harry Potter fanfic plots. In short, once upon a time, there was a Harry Potter who made an oath to kill Voldemort in every form, while knowing dimension-hopping magic. Now he’s stuck jumping from world to world killing Voldemort and sometimes Harry too.

What makes this fic so good is that, not only is it a parody, it captures the essence of the “disconnected shorts” plot style while still recognizing that you need more if you don’t want it to get old. I especially love the joke which references something Luna Lovegood says in a prior universe… but seeing our hero use “The Dark Lord Voldemuggle” as his alias is also good for a laugh.

What marks true quality? I like to think that it’s a mixture of writing skill and creativity. My traditional ratings work perfectly well for most fics, but among fics which merit a 5/5 rating, there is still a wide range of variation in the type and level of creativity displayed. In other words, when all of the stories being rated are off the top of the chart, it indicates that you need a new metric.

To demonstrate this, I will be showing off three fics by nonjon which show highly unique and unconventional solutions to problems in the Wizarding World of the Harry Potter books.

First up, we have “Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal…” which shows that, with an unforgivable curse, some 300-year-old legal precedent, and a little clever planning, you can solve the Death Eater problem by getting them legally reclassified as non-human dangerous creatures, owned by Tom Riddle, and rampaging out of his control… not to mention retroactively making your use of the unforgivable perfectly OK in the eyes of the law. Bring on the bounty hunters!

Now, one important think to keep in mind is that nonjon excells at getting away with silliness and humor so light-hearted and “cartoony” that it’s difficult to find even among professional authors. A perfect example of this is his “The DA Missions” shorts: Agent Toots and Agent Furry Fury.

In “Agent Toots“, we are presented with a hilarious account of how a little genius-level deception by Luna Lovegood convinces Voldemort to give up his pursuit of immortality. Of course, what makes it much funnier is that she’s operating as Agent Toots of the DA and the Order of the Phoenix refuses to accept that Harry and friends are considering accepting them as a “Junior DA”.

Later, in “Agent Furry Fury“, the same writing style and insane genius problem solving are used to great effect in bringing about proper changes in legislation to ensure werewolf rights. Of course, the Order members aren’t very happy about things… They are still having trouble wrapping their minds around the fact that the DA solves problems more effectively than the Order can. 🙂

The Power Snivellus Knows Not by nonjon

Length: Oneshot
Sources: Harry Potter
Rating: 5/5

Now that I’m back to short, good, and funny, let’s take a look at “The Power Snivellus Knows Not”. Readers who are familiar with the Harry Potter fandom may remember a small surge of “The power he knows not is…” joke-fics shortly after the release of the fifth novel. Some of the more memorable ones I’ve seen have included propane explosions and electrocution by fallen power lines.

However, “The Power Snivellus Knows Not” takes it a step further. Rather than trying to be serious until the punchline rolls around, it revels in the silliness and, in the process, provides a nice parody of various aspects of such fics. In short, if you liked “Of Great Turmoil and Excess Stupidity“, you’ll like this.

Of course, when a story includes a brainstorming session with quotes like this, how can you not like it?

Tonks was tapping her chin. “Have you suggested the vat of honey and trained killer attack bees in a while?”

Harry nodded. “Yup. That one I always try to slip past them. Same with the marijuana.”

Tonks shook her head. “Harry, I keep explaining it to you. Marijuana would not kill him. It’d just make him hungry and giggly.”

Brutality by Viperflamer

Length: 18 Chapters, Incomplete
Sources: Naruto
Rating: 3.5/5

Rating Breakdown:
Plot and Events: 4/5
Composition: 3/5
Grammar and Spelling: 2/5

Taking a short break from my parade of fanfiction favorites, we come to “Brutality”, a fic I just happened to be reading which I found noteworthy enough to comment on. Specifically, because it takes several ideas that are rather cliché and manages to make something out of them which feels half-decent. In fact, it’s biggest flaw is that it could really use some proofreading and editing. (Which I’d happily do if I could spare the time)

The basic plot is “Naruto loses an arm and an eye to an attack as a young child, gets replacements from Kyuubi, and is raised by Tsunade” and it includes the “Naruto’s mother is alive… just in a coma” cliché as well but, the author also threw in a large number of additional changes. It’s this previously un-tried combination of ideas which makes for the first of the three reasons I like it.

Second, despite their need for a decent beta reader, the author does seem to have a reasonable idea of what not to do in a fanfic. For example, he doesn’t add things “just because they’re cool.”

Finally, the primary focus is on the characters rather than the events or the “special effects”. This alone is one of the big things many fanfics lacks and, all by itself, it can make many otherwise boring fanfics worthwhile.

Of course, it is a reasonably long story and I did say it could use some proofreading or editing, so unless you’ve got time to spare, you might want to save this one for a rainy day. It doesn’t help that, as of this writing, the last chapter ends on possibly the worst of possible cliffhangers.

Honestly, Headmaster by Meteoricshipyards

Length: Oneshot
Sources: Harry Potter
Rating: 5/5

Continuing on our little tour of highly-rated funny oneshots, we come to Honestly, Headmaster. Measuring only two screenfuls on my computer, this is probably the shortest fic in the list, but I find it very memorable.

It’s set during the sixth Harry Potter book as an alternative to Dumbledore’s death and takes the form of Dumbledore’s conversation with Harry when he returns from an emergency Wizengamot meeting to find Hogwarts looking like the morning after a drunken frat party.

From a writing standpoint, it takes the form of an escalating exchange. That is, Dumbledore asks a question, Harry gives an answer, and that prompts an even funnier question. Repeat until punchline is reached. For example:

To be honest, it was Neville’s idea to use the stinksap. Seems he’s the only one who knew the awful smell it has is like a million times more annoying to werewolves. So we filled some balloons with it, and sent some people werewolf hunting through the halls on our brooms.”

“Balloons?”

“To be honest, Headmaster, we didn’t have balloons, and Seamus came up with the idea of using condoms. Seems he has a supply. It worked, though. Was a bit embarrassing handing them to Angelina, Katie, and Alicia, but they’re very good at hitting things by throwing them from a broom. To be honest, Headmaster, it was Oliver who came up with that idea, once we knew the werewolves were outside the Gryffindor tower. We really didn’t expect them to jump out the window trying to get away from the smell. And as the entrance to the Gryffindor tower is on the seventh floor, when they reached the ground they were going rather fast, so honestly Headmaster, what happened to the greenhouses wasn’t our fault.

As you can see, the better the reader is at visualizing what they read, the more fun this story will be. Enjoy. 🙂