Fanfiction – Honestly, Headmaster

Honestly, Headmaster by Meteoricshipyards

Length: Oneshot
Sources: Harry Potter
Rating: 5/5

Continuing on our little tour of highly-rated funny oneshots, we come to Honestly, Headmaster. Measuring only two screenfuls on my computer, this is probably the shortest fic in the list, but I find it very memorable.

It’s set during the sixth Harry Potter book as an alternative to Dumbledore’s death and takes the form of Dumbledore’s conversation with Harry when he returns from an emergency Wizengamot meeting to find Hogwarts looking like the morning after a drunken frat party.

From a writing standpoint, it takes the form of an escalating exchange. That is, Dumbledore asks a question, Harry gives an answer, and that prompts an even funnier question. Repeat until punchline is reached. For example:

To be honest, it was Neville’s idea to use the stinksap. Seems he’s the only one who knew the awful smell it has is like a million times more annoying to werewolves. So we filled some balloons with it, and sent some people werewolf hunting through the halls on our brooms.”


“To be honest, Headmaster, we didn’t have balloons, and Seamus came up with the idea of using condoms. Seems he has a supply. It worked, though. Was a bit embarrassing handing them to Angelina, Katie, and Alicia, but they’re very good at hitting things by throwing them from a broom. To be honest, Headmaster, it was Oliver who came up with that idea, once we knew the werewolves were outside the Gryffindor tower. We really didn’t expect them to jump out the window trying to get away from the smell. And as the entrance to the Gryffindor tower is on the seventh floor, when they reached the ground they were going rather fast, so honestly Headmaster, what happened to the greenhouses wasn’t our fault.

As you can see, the better the reader is at visualizing what they read, the more fun this story will be. Enjoy. 🙂

CC BY-SA 4.0 Fanfiction – Honestly, Headmaster by Stephan Sokolow is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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