Today, I have a new fic which I enjoyed enough to share on my first read-through.

The Parselmouth of Gryffindor by Achille Talon

The basic premise of this story is not, as you might first guess, that Harry Potter’s ability is more widely known and accepted, but, rather, that Hermione Granger is also a parselmouth.

Novel concept aside (the author even mentions the rarity of such fics), it derives two further advantages from it:

First, we see a Hermione Granger who is different, yet the same.

On the one hand, her outlook has more of the practicality and unique “snake logic” that she was exposed to while growing up.

On the other hand, having “what makes her special” be something others can’t take from her, like they would a title of “the smartest”, has led her to have more self-confidence.

Second, it provides a good reason to mix up the plot.

That does introduce one downside that’s somewhat apparent in the first few chapters, though. The author has a tendency to use her to avoid mistakes the canon cast made. (A pattern exacerbated in the first few chapters when first-year Ron is holding his own in a prank war with the twins without any hint that it will be explained a few years later.)

That issue is resolved once the story drifts more firmly into a lighter, less serious tone, but, until it does, it cheapens the first impression the story makes.

On that note, what makes the story really shine is the humour and how the author expands the setting… and they often blend together.

For example, Hermione’s first encounter with a goblin has the goblin wondering if she thought he was a hippogriff because the one thing she’s certain about from her fairy tale books is to never disrespect a non-human sapient.

…or Hermione managing to get past the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore’s office by poking it until it gets so annoyed it can’t play dumb, then suggesting that it ask the The Hat whether she should be allowed in.

In fact, that touches on another nice detail about this story. Just as the original books followed Harry, this follows Hermione to the same degree and it’s really entertaining to see this Hermione’s take on canon events… such as accidentally discovering the Chamber of Secrets and befriending Slytherin’s basilisk. (Which is quite an understatement for how much effect it has on the plot.)

I’ll offer one quick example to that:

“Well, Potter?” sneered Professor Snape. “Would you mind explaining how in Pyrrhus Ocelot’s name you and your toothy muggle-born girlfriend somehow found yourself in the same room as a petrified hybrid of the Dark Lord and one of your own teachers?”

Harry was obviously about to lash out against the recently-arrived Snape, who was, to be fair, clearly looking for friction. Hermione, recognizing the warning signs, answered in his place:

“Well, it all began with Professor Quirrell’s turban giving Harry a headache.”

That said, before I drift too far away from the topic of the Sorting Hat, I need to say that this is only the second story I’ve ever read, after The Lie I’ve Lived, where I truly enjoy the Sorting Hat as a character, so keep that in mind.

More generally, the story has a recurring theme of there being more sapients in the Wizarding World than canon acknowledges, and exploring the origins and implications of that fact. The nice part is that, aside from how it ties in with the general “only believable because this is light comedy” aspect of the story, it actually feels like it fits. (Unlike so many other fics which fall down because they tried to mix in species with an air of high fantasy and messed up the setting’s atmosphere.)

That includes an entertaining original character… a boggart who through the “proximity to a light, comic main character” effect, tried to copy a fear of a person a little too closely and gained sapience, eventually befriending Hermione and becoming a Hogwarts student.

Later in the narrative, it also develops another recurring theme: Hermione “overachieving at solving things” to the point where she finds herself becoming the puppetmaster behing Minister Fudge and Lucius Malfoy.

On the downside, for as much as I like it, I do get a sense that the story could have been so much more if the author had taken the setting more seriously. Anyone with this kind of skill level can pull off a light, comic Harry Potter story, but being light and comic like this so also limits how much depth the story can have. (ie. The same “not taking things too seriously” that excuses implausible things also limits the ability of the story to explore deeper, more complex narrative elements.) That leaves me feeling as if the tone is acting as an artificial cap on what the author could have achieved with the concept… which is a real waste for a concept as un-explored as Hermione Grander, the parselmouth.

I also worry about whether I’m sensing that, as a side-effect of the whole “Hermione, the puppet-master” becoming a little too dominant, the story’s quality might have peaked and started to decline as a result of the narrative becoming a little too shallow for the “it’s light, silly comedy” to justify it.

Either way, time will tell. As of chapter 49, I’m giving it a 4.4 out of 5. The hiccups in the initial stuff before it hits its stride pin those chapters to a 4.0 rating, while the later chapters deserve a 4.7 once they hit their stride.

—

How about something that’s a guilty pleasure of mine and memorable for how well it pulls off a running fart joke, a comically Too Stupid To Live™ Ron Weasley, and a half-senile Dumbledore?

Harry Potter and the Champion’s Champion by DriftWood1965

Yes, this is a guilty pleasure. It focuses heavily on very low-brow humour, it bashes the most cartoonishly flanderized Ron Weasley you’ll ever see, the treatment of the Malfoys is excessive, and it freely uses caricatured parodies of secondary characters for comic effect… but I can’t help that it makes me laugh out loud at times. Because of that, I’ve re-read it several times in the many years since I discovered it. (Definitely a sign that it’s doing something right.)

When the story starts out, it’s pretty clear that the author knows how to write good Harry and Hermione characters for the romantic elements and the comedy clearly shows creativity, but, at the same time, the story quickly chooses to focus primarily on the cartoonish, low-brow comedy instead. (And, in what is clearly an intentional set up for said comedy, it sprinkles caricatures around liberally. Most notably, the change to Ron Weasley that I mentioned at the beginning.)

McGonagall stared at the ginger-topped Gryffindor as she pondered whether overeating could cause brain damage.

The basic plot is that Harry and Hermione discover a loophole which allows Harry to appoint a champion to go through the Triwizard Tournament on his behalf. They give it to Ron to try to curb his jealousy but, in the process, Harry has also realized that he’s attracted to Hermione and they start dating… something which also makes Ron jealous.

That’s where the running fart joke comes in, because Hermione, feeling vindictive at Ron’s behaviour and echoing her canon self’s idea for the DA, had worked up a magical contract for the champion substitution that included a punishment clause for jealous thoughts.

The punishment is flatulent, it can’t be cancelled until the contract runs its course because Hermione underestimated Ron’s capacity for jealousy, and a large part of the running gag has to do with the various inordinately amusing approaches taken over the course of the year to deal with the smell and their side-effects.

Of course, what really makes it is the author’s use of phrasing and imagery with lines like this:

Seeing them in the common room, he turned and stormed back up the steps with a minor “pbrrrrrp” trailing him, leaving an odorous barrier at the entry to the staircase.

…and this:

The mixture of Gillyweed, Canary Creams and Horntail Honey’s turned the fourth champion into a five and a half foot tall, fire-breathing duck which had to keep ducking its head under the water to breathe.

That said, it’s not purely limited to that and it attempts to broaden the scope of the humor around the first Triwizard task. (Personally, I think the task is memorable for its creative events but not really that funny. That said, it is a transitional period.) For example, that’s when Dumbledore starts to come into play and and we start to see Crouch Jr. driven mad by how stupid this Ron Weasley is.

Through the pain, only one thought emerged. ‘How can there be this much stupidity locked inside of a single mind?’

Ron watched his defense teacher slump to the ground and smiled. ‘He’s amazed at my ability to solve it without his help. He’ll never underestimate me again.’ He trotted off down the hallway headed for the kitchens while wondering what prospect tasted like.

As for the romance, when it’s actually focused on, DriftWood1965 does put the effort in. In the very first chapter, there’s some nicely satisfying interaction between Harry and Hermione and I especially like how readers get to see signs that the relationship has promise, with both Harry and Hermione demonstrating how well they already know each other when they decide to become a couple.

(To be honest, it reminds me of Ranma ½, where Season 1 of the anime and the portion of the manga it’s adapted from feel more romance-oriented than the later stuff. I’ve often mused on how the series might have unfolded if that had continued on.)

All in all, it’s a cracky comedy with some flaws and some legitimate romantic scenes and it’s one of those stories that you’ll either love or hate. If, like me, you’re willing to accept huge deviations from canon characterizations as long as the overall effect is entertaining, and you’re not above laughing at crude humour, then you’ll likely enjoy it as a well-done source of “cheap fun”. Otherwise, it won’t be your thing.

It’s 108,953 words, it’s complete, and, based on my overall experience of reading it, I’d rate it at 4.0 out of 5… though, given how much that relies on the humour connecting, you might rate it as low as 2.5 out of 5.

Ironically, I still haven’t reviewed the fic that usually comes to mind when I think “memorable sci-fi crossover fanfiction”, so let’s remedy that now.

A Thin Veneer by AlbertG (Albert Green Jr.) et al

This crossover between the original Star Trek and Babylon 5  is part of a larger universe of stories by the authors in question but I consider it a good thing that you can ignore that. I’ve always found that Comic Book Multiverse™-style writing interferes with the process of immersing the reader even in original works, where the fanfic “all deviations from canon should ripple out from a single ‘freebie'” rule of thumb is in effect.

The part of the plot that’s relevant to this story is that the Minbari stumble upon a hyperspatial wormhole of sorts while chasing some human refugees and almost interfere with the events of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. Upon reading their report, the Grey Council decide that it’s too dangerous to leave what must be a small lost colony to eventually seek vengeance when they discover the extermination of Earth humans and, in the process, also give the Klingon Empire a slap on the wrists (two destroyed patrol ships) to warn them to never attack a Minbari ship again.

Needless to say, both efforts backfire when the Federation declares war on the Minbari for the murder of over 20 million civilians and the newly allied Klingon Empire refuses to let the insult and associated destruction go unpunished. Basically, this is what you get when you want to write an “X curb-stomps the Minbari” fic, but you can’t because you have standards.

For example, the story gives the federation a handicap, by setting this during the 23rd century and, while they’re technologically behind and tactically complacent, the Minbari aren’t stupid. Sometimes, the Minbari do discover effective counters or take prisoners, so the Klingons, the Federation, and the readers aren’t allowed to get complacent.

However, the thing that gives the strongest sense of “this is making a good effort to be quality writing” is the recurring theme that the title alludes to: The nature of civility in society, as first confirmed when the ever-eloquent General Chang delivers the first title drop in chapter 5. While the story touches on this from various angles (eg. the Klingons get plenty of story time), one of the more notable avenues it explores is using Admiral James T. Kirk to explore wartime morality and the boundary between righteous and monstrous as he prosecutes a war against the Minbari, having had no prior experience as a wartime commander and just coming out of negotiations that reminded him of the death of his son.

Diplomacy, tactical combat, curb-stomps, philosophy, interesting secondary characters, and more. This fic has a bit of everything.

On a less uncommon note, I also like the ways in which the two settings were merged. For example, it’s already known that, in Star Trek, the Preservers transplanted humans and terraformed planets… what’s one more Earth that’s unusually far and an unusually perfect copy of ours?

Likewise, if the Vorlons and Shadows are shepherding their little group of species, what’s stopping them from mucking with ours? Why, a collection of more hands-off, balance-oriented species such as the Organians, Metrons, and Medusans that won’t allow immature stagnancy-chasers to throw tantrums in the territory of others and will send ambassadors to sway misguided chaos-seekers if necessary. (An uncommon but pleasing twist, to have the “evil gods” swayed by reason while the “good gods” are revealed to be petulant children.) Best of all, what they see in accelerated transit across the galaxy suggests that the Preservers are still actively shuffling around planets, but working behind the scenes.

The other two reasons this probably sticks with me are:

1. Star Trek and Babylon 5 are two series I perceive as “proper sci-fi” moreso than many others I’ve reviewed good things in, such as Stargate: SG-1, Battlestar Galactica, or Star Wars. I think it’s that the latter examples just feel too focused on some blend of contemporary-ness, personal stories, and fantasy-esque simplified morality to live up to the sense of exploration, scale, and/or philosophical depth that I look for in sci-fi.
2. Despite being unfinished, it’s 445,720 words long and very close to the end of its story arc most of the way to completion, so it still satisfies. (And it may still get completed.)

That said, it also has its fun moments that aren’t memorable, so I re-discover them anew each time. For example, managing to find a way to make a meme reference work through a similar approach to Tom Paris’s love for old sci-fi:

“We get signal!”

Acaltha turned in his chair and directed a sharp look at his communications officer. “Mr. Vickers, I believe I mentioned something previously about a certain officer trying break the tension on the bridge by reviving three hundred year old Terran jokes?”

…or some delightful exchanges between old friends that I’ll leave you to discover on your own.

I’d say it definitely earns a 5 out of 5 rating for how it blends cathartic curb-stomping, enough challenge for the Federation to keep things interesting, and a lot of detail in the philosophical and character elements of war. That’s a combination you just don’t see every day, and I enjoy it very much.

While I do try to minimize the amount of MLP fic I post here, rather than in my recommendations group, I just re-read a couple of short fics that really go above and beyond.

One of the interesting details about the MLP fandom is that, as far as I (and various other commenting readers) can tell, it has a higher than average proportion of authors who are also into science fiction (and the proportion of those who are into more than just the most common pop sci-fi like Star Trek, Star Wars, Mass Effect, etc.).

I could write an entire blog post about great crossover fics like The Maretian or elegant non-crossover first-contact fics like Arrow 18, or even stuff that barely got started, but is noteworthy just for existing, like The Long Trot but, today, I felt like talking about fics that give you the feels.

For this, I’ve chosen two which cross over with real life, so to speak. They’re quite short and their impact is the sort of thing that is best experienced fresh, so I’ll be brief in my descriptions this time:

Voyage’s End by The DM

This is a little 7,205-word story which could be thought of as two oneshots, each with a “punchline” designed to make you tear up. In the first one, Equestrian ponies catch one of the Voyager probes as it serendipitously passes through their solar system and then discover the golden record. In the second one, they follow the “map” on the record cover back to Earth.

One small step

In this 4,262-word story, written as a memorial to Neil Armstrong, contact has already come and gone (I’d assume, via trans-dimensional means) and Rainbow Dash is used as a vehicle to try to bring some of the wonder and emotion of the Apollo 11 mission to a generation who grew up reading it as history like any other.

It helps that the author embedded illustrations of the launch to drive the experience home further (one of the benefits of posting a fic to a site other than Fanfiction.net), but there’s a minor detail which could easily have been left out which spoils the second chapter for me. Thankfully, the first chapter was written to stand alone.

I think the first is the most powerful, but I’m not sure I can remember running into anything that hit me this hard in other fandoms… I’m sure that’s partly because I’m unmoved by the more personal, more TV-like means authors in other fandoms tend to prefer.

(Though there is one very un-TV-like fic in another fandom which I’d likewise recommend for its very distinctive style: A Ranma ½ oneshot named Elegy for a Golden Youth by Reid Carson. It’s been years but, if I remember correctly, it was inspired by Lord Dunsany’s The King of Elfland’s Daughter.)